Trusting Your Gut = Finding Yourself (and Why Staying Stuck Feels Safer)

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Last week I had a conversation with a friend that’s been living in my head ever since.

He left his marriage about 6 months ago with someone he was with for over 15 years. Not because something huge happened—no cheating, betrayal or screaming matches. But because it had been flat-lining for a long time and he wasn't happy. You know that space where things aren’t bad, but they’re not good either? Just kind of... there? That quiet, creeping sense of “this isn’t it,” but also, “it’s not that bad, right?”

That limbo state—what some call the Beta Paradox—is where a lot of people live. It’s where I’ve lived before too and am constantly having to challenge myself to not stay there. I'm not going to sit here and say I am perfect, there are still areas of my life where I need to be a bit more disruptive and I still do suffer in some areas with the same thing. I'm not here to preach, but to help you understand some of the common things we go through in life.

Here’s the concept of the Beta Paradox:

Sometimes things have to get really bad before we finally change them.

Because when things are just a bit off, a little dull, mildly unsatisfying—it’s way too easy to stay. Too much effort to shift, too much disruption to risk. So we hang out in this weird purgatory of “meh,” telling ourselves it could be worse.

But here's the truth

“Meh” is where dreams and joy and energy go to die.

It’s sneaky because it’s not painful enough to wake you up… but it’s definitely not letting you thrive either.

My friend told me that since leaving, he feels like a completely different person. Alive again - because that is what listening to your gut does. Even when it makes no sense on paper. Even when it means letting go of something familiar, safe, or socially “acceptable.”

I’ve felt this in my own life too. Especially with my job/s and relationships. That gnawing feeling in your belly that whispers, “This isn’t it."

Even when everything looks fine from the outside. You ignore it, or overthink it, or silence it with distraction or busyness or just being “grateful for what you have.” But the gut doesn’t lie, It keeps coming back.

I also recently found myself in a messy situation.

A relationship that was beautiful in many ways, but not right for me. It would have been easier to stay for many reasons, but in the long term I knew deep down if I had been honest with myself, I wouldn’t be happy.

Two things happened that made me realise I wasn’t actually being kind to the person I was with or to myself. Firstly, I had coffee with a friend who simply said to me “So when are you going to start listening to your gut and what you truly desire”. I realised after years of being told to ignore my instincts by previous situations and partners, that I doubted myself all the time. I also saw an Instagram post that said “If you want to stay the door is open, if you want to leave the door is open, but don’t stand in the doorway blocking the traffic”. I knew at that point, that’s what I was doing. I was in the beta paradox with my relationship and needed to be honest with my partner at the time.

Shortly after that I also had to confront and face a trauma bond with someone I had been holding on to for many years (in completed denial of course), in between relationships. Again, going round in circles whether there was something more between us than a friends-with-benefits relationship. I also cared about this person a lot, but realised that I was abandoning myself to try and fit into this persons ideal, whilst being completely miserable because it wasn’t really aligning to any of my needs. Eventually I realised that relationships can only work if both people show up, and also only if the way you show up for yourself is honest and authentic. So I had to go through the process of finally saying goodbye to that, which in a weird way was harder than the breakdown of my relationship that was a lot more fulfilling in many ways- I will write about this in another blog. Trauma bonds are really quite tough to break away from, like emotional heroin. Definitely has it’s ups and downs and feels like a drug withdrawal. It has been a very challenging experience, but I also see the change in myself coming out the back of it.

So what do you do if you’re in that place?

Here are 3 reflective questions to sit with:

1. If nothing changed in the next 12 months, how would you feel?

Forget your obligations and what’s “practical” for a second. Just you. Would you be proud? Excited? Flat? Resentful?

2. If your best friend was living your exact life, what would you tell them to do?

Sometimes stepping outside our own situation helps us see clearly. You’d probably tell them to be brave, right?

3. What would you do if you weren’t scared of what others think?

This one stings but it’s powerful. Would you stay in that job? That relationship? That routine?

If this is you right now…

I can absolutely empathise with you, it’s bloody hard and not hugely fun. If you’re feeling that unshakable “this isn’t me” but don’t know where to start—you’re not alone. That’s literally why I do what I do.

As a fitness & lifestyle coach, I don’t just help people lift heavier weights. I help people lift the weight of who they think they have to be, and move toward the version of themselves they keep dreaming about.

If you want to start reconnecting with that gut instinct, that spark, that voice inside—reach out. We can start small. But we start.

Because staying stuck just costs too much in the long run.

Message me or hit the contact button. Let’s chat.

Your gut already knows—maybe it's time to follow it.